Ready To Be Your Muse

I am ready to be your muse
I’m ready to see myself the way you see me
standing here
naked
as you undress the layers of my many masks
guarded behind high walls
hide my heart in the dark
the alcohol induced introvert
ready to say goodbye to getting high just to be able to say … hello
ready to believe I’m 2 fly
good enough for photo shoots even though society would balk at any forms of my bulge on the runways
Note to self…refrain from grabbing my bulge
because I am ready to stop being the abusive partner in this relationship I have with my body
for real I have been shitty
and I’m sorry tithes for ever thinking you were too small before I even gave you the chance to fully develop
or complained you were too large when struggling to button shirts post partum

And as for my ass
please accept my sincerest apologies for the massive attacks on you fine attribute
I finally realized that the circumference of your curvature is not in direct relation to the strength of my character
nor does it define the blackness of my beautyOh and side note…if an anaconda don’t want none, I could care less, as I don’t parle with snakes any damn way

My curls, I’ve spent years trying to define you
fighting to straighten you out coz it was like you just didn’t get how bad I wanted to be beautiful
But it seems I was the one who needed a self healing treatment
Remember that time I made you do creamy crack?
Ya…that ended with you splitting up with me to about halfway up my back
I thought the best thing to do was cut you off
went in search of lengths in tracks
laid out like traps
by ads that told me beauty could be mine in a few clip on snaps
Trust me when I say I am grateful that we made up and have bounced back

Yes I am ready to be your muse
ready to choose me first
to use me in whichever way I see best
For I am too blessed to be stressed
and I’ve finally stopped feeling disappointed in myself
for not meeting a mass-media, moulded image of me,
mass marketed,
mostly to masses of masked migrants
marching to the medleys of mirrored misogyny
Because at the end of the day what does the market know about beauty anyway
when corporations are quick to demolish natural splendours
given to us by our ancestors
we squander daily
replacing it with chemically induced facial enhancers
which clearly aren’t working as we fight to fix our faux pas with filters and photoshop
1000 clicks just to get one photo op
to post for likes
if the pose is just right
do it for the gram, the vine, the twit pic, Facebook profile, personal please love me blog page site

I had to stop
when i realized I was literally outsourcing my own self’s worth
self serving not my self but someone else
new slave to the stacked shelves which sold self loathing
worth my self esteem
sold my soul 1000 times just to feel like less of a ghost in crowded spaces
wasn’t feeling my face so i wore masks to better fit into places
but it’s not Halloween anymore
so time to come out of the shadows
reassessing my relationships based on those still willing to play with me now that I’m finally out of costume,
I am no longer consumed by what people think of me
because win or lose
I am oh so ready to be your muse

I’m ready to pose naked
in lingerie victoria secretly told me I’m too fat to be sexy in
Ready to inspire poetry which flows from lips about how I am a black beautiful goddess….and maybe actually believe them
I am ready to be painted
Shit I am ready to be celebrated
Ready to humbly accept a little ego
I mean damn, these hips have birthed nations you know
Ready to be art in the eye of the beholder and say to hell with anyone else
Ready to be happy with self
take selfies for self documentation of my self growth process
I am far from the seed I was birthed from
So far in fact I planted two of my own and birthed them
A king and queen
yes my royal son and daughter
who I will love, protect and spoil because I am ready
to be muse, role model, mentor and a mother who
definitely doesn’t have a single moment to spare for the opinion of sheep
so watch how my mane stands out,
I, lioness stand proud
and I sure as hell no longer lose any sleep

Photo: “Frozen” painted by artist Kofi Frempong

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